What Car Would You Curse Your Worst Enemy With?

A blue 2001 BMW 7-Series

Photo: BMW

We’ve all got mortal enemies. I know I do (it’s you). They’re people you wish nothing but misfortune upon. People you want to see down and out, having a bad day. Maybe it’s the hater in me, but I do get a lot of joy out of that, and I’m sure you folks do too. It’s what leads us to today’s question.

We want to know what car you would wish on your worst enemy. What car – new or used – would you give them to make sure their very existence was a miserable and untenable mess? What car would break their soul and their spirit in the most effective way?

Now, there are a few different routes you can take with this. Say your mortal enemy is someone who enjoys the finer things in life. Maybe they’ve got a luxury car. Stick them in a Chevy Express van with roll-down windows and make them live like that forever. Perhaps they’re environmentally conscious lefties. Too bad for them, because now they’ve got to drive a Hummer H1. These are both just examples and will hopefully provide fuel to your inner hater.

If it was me, though, I am saddling my enemy with the least reliable vehicle I can think of – an early E65 BMW 7-Series. Nothing will break someone’s spirit and make them pray for a swift death like a broken-down German car. Every morning they’ll get in and pray to whatever God they believe in that the damn thing will start, and even if it does they have to deal with a first-generation iDrive system just to change a radio station. I know, I know, this is a diabolical and evil idea. That’s the point. I want my enemies to suffer.

Anyway, enough hatred out of me. Why don’t you all drop down below and spew some of your own hatred by telling your fellow Jalops what car you would saddle your worst enemy with?

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